Of a sugar addict
Eating Disorder – My healing Journey
Sugar isn't bad, it's legal!
One muggy summer afternoon some 7 years ago I was reading about the catastrophic effects sugar can have on the human body, athlesclerosis, glycation, diabetes. As a typical addict, I was in denial that this could ever happen to me. I was different, I was special, that happens to other people. I convinced myself I could find a way to conteract these effects and continue to enjoy my overindulging. Question was, was I actually enjoying it or were the tasty, sugary treats just numbing a feeling of unease within myself?
Will I ever be free?
Sometimes it was just plain enjoyment; delicious, fudgey chocolate cake with remienents of icing spread across my face. Most of the time it was an unexpliciable drive inside of me, pushing me towards consuming something I knew was doing me harm. Granted, a peice of cake now and then isn’t bad, it’s when I couldn’t stop, I had to eat it all, even though I knew I would feel guilty after, I couldn’t control it. I often didn’t even savour the experience, I’d look down and it was all gone. I couldn’t imagine my life without it.
But you’re not fat, so it’s fine!
I was never obese or overweight, the rest of my diet was on point and, I have always been vey active. This doesn’t mean it wasn’t causing internal damage. Over time I began to realise, although I had overcome my control issues of undereating (anorexia), I hadn’t healed the emotional pain that had lead me to have a challenging relationship with food.
Admiting it’s a problem
Attempt number one, quitting sugar:
2014 – 21 days no refined sugars
Attempt number 2:
2015 – 40 days no refined sugar
Each attempt and all of the time in between I learned a lot, a lot of introspection, I was understanding myself and my fears better each day.
2016 – Goodbye sugar!
I don’t see the time prior to this as a waste as I learned so much and, healed so much. All of this lead me to be ready to face the challenges this final sugar challenge threw at me. I had an emotional understanding of what would keep me going, of how I wanted to feel about myself, of how I wanted to show up for myself each and every day. It was surprisingly easy this tim. 5 years later I remember how I thought I could never live without cake, biscuits, Cadbury’s milk chocolate! and, I’m so happy I took the leap. It’s more to do with having healed something inside of me, of having
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